Yinka Animashaun
Yinka Animashaun, Tina Rudasingwa, Malcolm-Aimé Musoni, Crwpitman
When you have those hard moments as a new mom and as a Black woman in general, how do you remain positive? How do you not sit in the negative space? Is it because you’re a Virgo?
Yinka Animashaun: It may be the Virgo and just the type of person I am. I’m very solution-oriented. I’m like, “Why am I feeling this way? Am I hungry? Am I tired? What’s going on?” I just check in with myself and remember, “You’re still that girl. Dust yourself off, try again, and move forward.”
We have to talk about you going blonde. What prompted you to go blonde?
First off, I was born blonde. [laughs] But I got my first blonde unit in 2018, and I just continued to wear blonde units! Then there was a point in between styles when I would wear braids or my hair in its natural state; I didn’t feel like myself. I was like, “This is just not the daughter of Mary J Blidge & Misa Hylton!” So I mentally made the decision that once I was finished breastfeeding, I’d do it. I found a great stylist and went for it.
How do you make that time for yourself and make it a priority? Going to get your hair bleached blonde is very time-consuming.
I think that it’s always been me, even when I was in elementary, middle school, and high school. I had to be at school at 8:15 AM. I knew if I wanted to paint my nails, I needed to wake up at 6 AM. Mornings are just not my thing. I need at least 7 hours of sleep, and my husband understands that. So he wakes up with August, and then I take him to school.
I find it to be really interesting to talk to people who are African and have kids. Specifically the ways they decide to raise their kids. Gentle parenting is a big thing right now. But, it’s really just treating your child with respect and as a human being that has choices. How are you approaching parenthood in either the same ways as you were raised or differently?
I like that you said gentle parenting is just treating kids with respect. That is so true. There are so many things that I find myself doing with August, and it’s a full-circle moment. The other day, he pulled down a vase, and it broke and shattered everywhere. He was just stunned. So I picked him up, and I was like, “Are you okay?” He went back to playing, and I moved him out of the way and just cleaned up. But I was thinking, “Had I done that in my parent’s house? I Would’ve got my ass beat.”
It would have been a wrap.
If you were to come over to my house and you broke something? I’d be like, “It’s cool.” We’d clean up, and we’d move on. I wouldn’t scold you. So why would I do that to my child? You have to give kids grace and let them explore. I’m trying to be better at not wanting to protect him so badly. Like, not wanting him to fall. I have to watch him do it and be there so he can do it himself. And if he does fall, it’s okay. I have to learn that it’s okay if he hurts himself because that’s part of growing up. My knees are fucked up from crawling and falling, and he needs to experience that.
How do you approach screen time with August? I know when a child is crying, it’s easy to be like, “Hey, girl here’s this phone.” How do you maintain boundaries with that?
I’m definitely an enforcer. So before he was, I think, a year old, we only let him get 30 minutes a day. And it was content we felt that was enriching and good. It wasn’t like that CoComelon shit…
My niece was crying, and I was trying to get her to stop crying. So I played CoCo melon because I thought that she watched that. My sister was like, “I don’t put that shit on for her. Don’t do that again.”
It’s like hypnosis for children. Sometimes he doesn’t have any screen time on the weekends because we’ve just been playing. I think because we haven’t really given it to him, he gets bored of it quickly. 30 minutes is good for him. Sometimes if it goes longer than 30 minutes, he’ll come to find me and see what I’m doing. We do a lot of reading, a lot of reading. Sometimes the same book more than once, like three times. I know One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish by Dr.Seuss by heart. I can recite that shit to you right now.
Yinka Animashaun, Tina Rudasingwa
What has been the most satisfying and rewarding moment so far as a mom?
When he said that he loved me back, I melted into a big puddle of chocolate. When he discovers something, he comes to find me because he wants me to see it. I think that’s really special because he wants to share whatever’s making him happy with me.
You had August during the pandemic. What was that experience like?
As an African, you know, we don’t tell people we’re pregnant until we can’t hide it anymore; you can’t let the village people get to your child. That was helpful because no one was going out, and no one was seeing me.
I got pregnant in November or October of 2019. The U.S. did its mandatory shutdown in March 2020. At first, my husband was coming to my appointments, and then they were like, “He can’t come anymore. He cannot be here until labor.” It was nerve-wracking, but I would facetime him during the appointments. When I went into labor, August was three weeks and a day early. We were going to Cape Cod for the weekend. Thursday night, I was cramping. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Braxton Hicks? They call them pre-contractions. [They’re] like a contraction, but not painful. I was feeling what I would now know were contractions, but I was like, “This is just Braxton Hicks.” My husband was like, “Aren’t they not supposed to be painful?” I was like, “Don’t worry about it.”
They were still going on Friday, and my husband said, “If you’re still not feeling well let’s go tomorrow.” That whole evening I did not sleep, all Friday in pain. I called my midwife, and she told me to call back if it was still happening. They kept happening, but I didn’t call her back because I was like, “I’m a G.” I should have, and eventually, I did, and she told me to come in. In my head, I thought we were going to go to the hospital, get some pain medication and go to the beach. The lady checked me in and went down there to look and was like, “All right, you’re in labor.” I was like, “Excuse me?”
You were really trying to go to the beach.
I was ready for the beach! My husband was downstairs because he couldn’t come in unless it was time for labor. So he’s like, “What’s going on?” and I was like, “I’m in labor!” I’m freaking out. Because first off, I don’t have my delivery braids in. I have my wig on. This is not what I pictured; it was not the production that I was trying to gve. My husband came up to the room, and then I had August. It was all that labor, and then at 5 PM, my doctor was like, “You can start pushing.” August came out at 5:45 PM.
You didn’t go to Cape Cod that weekend? That did not happen?
We didn’t. That did not happen. There are no pictures because it was not the look I had planned. This just goes to show you even this Virgo couldn’t plan her delivery.
What’s the greatest lesson your mother taught you?
My mom was incredible. There are so many gems that really molded me into the baddie that I am today. For motherhood, she’d always say, “Everything I do is for you guys. I chose to have you guys.” If August is testing my patience, it’s on me. He didn’t have to be here. It’s on me to make sure he’s straight. It took me a while to do, but when he naps, I nap. That’s the energy we’ll both need later on. So I need to make sure that I’m getting my nap so that when he wakes up from his nap, we’re both refreshed. He’s not going to terrorize me. I’m going to terrorize him! [Laughs]
My mom would always say, “Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Even if you’re tired, you need to get up and do your routine. In the end, you’ll feel better.” She also taught me not to let anybody shake me. She used to be like, “You shouldn’t fear anyone but god.” I just know because of my faith and how I connect with my ancestors, that’s it. I’m not afraid of anything or anybody. My mom would always say, “Will they come and beat you?” And even if they are..you need to be prepared for them to come and beat you.” The parallels between Black American culture and West African culture, “Who gon beat my ass,” and the Nigerian version is, “Who will come and beat me.”
If you could have dinner with three Virgos, who would you pick?
The first one is Beyoncé. Let’s not play ourselves. The others would be Rachel Zoe and Keke Palmer. We would all be there on time, we’d be fighting over who would pay the bill, the pictures would be amazing, and we’d send them before we left the dinner.
You have a small business, Cute and Naughty. Can you talk about that?
My business is Cute and Naughty, pet clothing and accessories. I’m a dog mom, first and foremost. I noticed there was a lack in the market for dog stuff that wasn’t corny. I want to be more “girl boss” about it. That’s in the pipeline, probably spring of 2023.
This issue is in support of MamaToTo Village, a D.C.-based organization that does work around reproductive rights and maternal health. Are there any organizations in the Dallas area that you would want to speak on right now or spotlight?
The Afiya center in Dallas. They are for all women, but primarily Black women. They offer support for reproductive health and education. They had a billboard a couple of years ago that said, “Abortion is self-care.” We’re the most vulnerable when it comes to reproductive care and education, definitely support them.
Is there anything else you want to say before we head out?
The last thing I want to say is to moms out there. God bless you. You are doing your best even when you don’t feel like it. Do not be afraid to accept help from whoever is offering it to you. Some people don’t know how to help. Just tell them what you need. If they love you, they will help you. Definitely accept the help and sleep. If you don’t have enough sleep, everything falls by the wayside.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Download issue 7 of Blacks Rule as a PDF for free here and buy a physical copy here.